Monday, January 21, 2008

this is the Andy Rooney episode.

In honor of the writers' strike, I am going to publish a post here that involves the simple stringing together of possibly unrelated sentences. Writing is hard; why knock myself out over this? Especially while my brothers and sisters are on the picket lines? Solidarity forever!

Brr, it's cold in Kansas.
Ever wonder why it's impossible to find a shower curtain made in the USA rather than in China?
I sure do like macaroni and cheese.
I hope the Giants win the Super Bowl.
I do not plan to watch the Super Bowl.
I plan to watch the Puppy Bowl.
I think I'll tape it so on the day that Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney clinch their respective party nominations, I can watch the Puppy Bowl again, which will cheer me up immensely.
My friend Aimee is going to have a baby boy.
Apparently they are thinking of naming him Dexter, of which I strongly approve.
My dogs Finnegan and Beatrice have lately been behaving so adorably that it is almost painful.
I wish I had a newer car, but I can't afford one.
I feel better about myself when I don't watch television.
I have been reading Flavius Josephus's "The War of the Jewish People against the Romans" and it is remarkably interesting.
I like those slipper socks that have grippers on the soles.
I decided to purchase some cheap jewelry to wear on the tv show that I host. It occurred to me that I should try to look like the people who look good on TV when I'm on TV. So that means big costume jewelry necklaces and modestly-scoop-necked shirts.
My skin is ridiculously dry. I have more lotions and creams stockpiled for this condition than the average Walgreens store.
My hair's too short.
I wish I had a really good book of fiction to read, which I had not already read.
Try as I might, I just can't seem to enjoy Victor Hugo.
I believe that I have unfairly dismissed Eric Dolphy for his avant-gardism.
I have been too lenient in my judgment of Gustave Flaubert, and too harsh against Turgenev.
I am sick of eating oatmeal.
I wish I knew how to play the cello.
I cannot figure out who is watching all of these Law & Order television series.

Wow -- it all makes sense now. I, too, could crank out columns by the bushel like Andy Rooney and Larry King. Seriously, doing it this way is a *lot* easier.

4 comments:

Amateur Reader said...

Those slipper socks are indeed awesome. And your hair is just right.

Kathryn said...

You're not nearly random and cranky enough to be Andy Rooney.

Kathryn said...

And speaking of the writer's strike: I think Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are deliberately flubbing and poorly editing things on behalf of the writers. Good for them. I find it somewhat unconvincing, though, because I think some of the things they're screwing up don't actually have much to do with the writers. Like looking at the wrong camera, or showing a poorly-edited video clip. I just felt the need to note this. Perhaps I'm wrong on all counts.

Mary Beth said...

I just have to report that your nephew enjoys those gripper socks, also. I would even go so far as to say that he's a "Big Fan".

And I agree, you're totally not cranky enough to be Andy Rooney. And your eyebrows aren't wacky like his, either. So better stick w/just being you.

 
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A Microscopic Cog in a Catastrophic Plan by Laura Lorson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at witheringexhaustion.blogspot.com.